February 2012
come back
it’s cold outside now
I need direction
your direction
this direction
that neither of us know
days and days and days
the sounds of the wind killing my roof
my balcony
lit in the sun
this little lonely room
that I tend to love so much
it’s funny not knowing where I’ll be next
it’s so close
almost there
I’m so excited for it
so excited for what could...
working on summer
makes me excited and happy
fuck
I’m so fucking obsessed with you
it bothers me
it bums me out
why can’t I forget about it
it’s been almost a year
I NEED to forget about it
you’re all I think about
ahh patience I suppose would be the key
and
I also like you…
damn
wine
wine
wine
wine
wine
wine
I like wine
blah blah blah
school is so stupid sometimes
I got a linkedin like 3 years ago
I almost wish I didn’t do so much shit in high school
because I feel like in “real world” things
and in “finding jobs”
I can’t relate to people who haven’t even thought of that yet at this point
I feel like I live at the gym here
got here at 5:45am this morning…. I’m here again for a tutor appointment at 9pm. My days feel long. I even took a nap downstairs for a bit this morning after my first class because I wouldn’t have slept for as long if I had to walk back to my dorm.
This morning I was drug tested because as a Div 1 NCAA athlete you have to do that sometimes… yeah just peeing in a cup in...
wow
i’m so excited and inspired right now
I’m starting to shape up what I am going to be doing this summer
and winter training only has 2 more weeks left before we get into spring season!
I’m going to knock out 4 business classes this summer and get an entire semester ahead of everyone. They are all shitty business classes that I will totally hate but it will be sooooo good to...
1 tag
in the beginning
I went so long without contact
it’s what I needed at the time
I needed a break
just to do things on my own
to not worry about consequences
or worry about making things work
it’s funny how I’ve found my way back
and how much easier it makes everything for me
I’m balanced
and it feels good
losing
what the hell
I hate this feeling
I’m just going to keep sitting here and doing my work
and feeling like in a real world sense I’m losing something out of my control
I've spent the last two days
working on my website
doing homework here and there
watching business videos online
discovering “Ted Talks”
just thinking about what work I want to do this summer
getting excited for when I will have more time for these things in each day
most relevant funny shit of my life →
the next 3 hours =
laying in bed sending out a million emails/responding to a million emails
eating yummy crackers
listening to country music
red wine
english coastal cheddar
and some yummy crackers
bedtime
the words are gone
the wind hits my side
it’s been another night
another night
here
and the sky isn’t navy
it’s the cloudy purple
as if there’s light coming from somewhere I don’t know
and
Tom Petty just keeps playing
I can’t sleep with music playing.
got it
I’ve got it now
now I understand
thank you
it means a lot
that you even care to give me the time
to understand how you feel
because now I can just keep going on
like I’ve done the last couple of days
and I’ll do my thing
and see what happens
and keep daydreaming
and feel ok when I go to bed at night
and if something comes up
I’ll be open-minded
and if...
let's
sit together on the grates of my fire escape
my hair is clean tonight
I feel beautiful tonight
tell me something
tell me
in any
way
just what you think
because I told you that this city would be much better if you were in it
in the city we share independently
I told you how I felt
so directly
more directly than I ever thought I could
it had been too long
and you just smiled...
ok
can’t go to nyc this weekend because I have too much studying to do
another weekend alone in the city
fuck being lonely and achy
life is busy
life is crazy